It was the research skills I acquired in law school that allows me to find these pictures. Oh God, I need a job! Does anyone have a fence that need painting or a lawn that needs to be mowed? Sorry, where was I? I'll cast my vote for Steve.
Friday, December 28, 2007
EXECUTIVE DECISION
Ok, Rich. You're time has expired to pick the topic so I will have to step in and take care of it. Sorry.
Welcome to the 4th Weekly Photo Phriday contest series.
Gentlemen, start your search engines. This weeks topic will be:
"Midgets are people, too"
Judging will begin promptly at 3pm EST. Please have your photo submitted by this time. Also, who has the trophy currently?
Alright Rich... hit us up with a theme.
In the mean time,
GPS baby Jesus stolen again, found across the street
Posted Dec 28th 2007 8:05AM by Paul Miller
Filed under: GPS
Maybe next year they can just spring for an RFID baby Jesus. The folks in Florida noticed that their GPS-equipped baby Jesus we mentioned the other day was missing from his nativity, and fired up the old GPS tracker. Turns out they didn't have to look far: baby Jesus had been swiped Wednesday night and brought to a house across the street from the nativity. Deputies showed up at the door Thursday morning and hauled off the 18-year-old female culprit with a charge of grand theft. The statue is valued at $800, while the GPS system rings up at $400, and the girl is currently in jail with bail set at $3,500. Are we feeling a brand new sort of holiday tradition coming on? We think yes.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
you think people would look at me funny if i just started screaming at the top of my lungs for 15 seconds or so? you ever have one of those days? and it only a three day week. holy crappppppppppp.
I will try and expedite the dollar to richard, so that he may make his addition - then he will mail it to the new winner some time this weekend i guess.
to make sure your up on the 'know' mr paine, the winner each week is awarded a ONE dollar bill which he is to then adorn with his creative "flair" (you'll see). Next week when the contest is held again the new winner gets the bill from last weeks winner. and so on and so forth, rinse, wash, repeat, esprito sancto - Amen.
Mikey - I was thinking of taking the train but now that we are taking out snowboarding gear, i don't want to do that anymore.
Travel options: car
People driving options: My bro, my mom, your bro? mom? dad?, Dr. Jon Martins with his TT. I call shot gun.
Our flight departs around 9am and we should be there at 8 the latest so leave mineola/hicksville at 7:30ish.
What are you thinking you sexy beast?
Rich - Beginners luck my man. Delayed congrats. I hope the force is with you in picking tomorrows topic.
Jon - I LOVE ZOOOOOOOO's
i think i may quit my job and become a photographer. it seems as if i have a natural gift. so....since we only figured out who won our contest on thursday, how do we get the cash money to last weeks winner in time for him to them turn it around and get it to this weeks winner?
also, is anyone down for some grub this evening? holler at me.
haha, steve.... not that i lost my tolerance, but i think i have to be a little bit more "true to the basics." for example, don't mix:
1. sidecar martinis with....
2. rye and gingers with...
3. fishbowls with....
4. PBRs
I think in San Fran i will stick to the beers (and occasional shots) and do just fine. don't worry about me, my friend. I can hear the $1.40 beers screaming my name from here.
PS> how the fuck are we getting to the airport? hitch-hiking?
Jon. Your front seat is very comfortable to pass out on. Thanks for taking so many flattering pictures of the top of my head. I've never looked so good. Also, when the fuck are we moving into our sweet bachelor pad? I can't take this anymore.
Tom, looking for a roommate?
Rich, congrats for now... ass. that dollar is miiiiine this week.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
I only remember four people in the car. Who the hell was the fifth?
Mike, I'm pretty sure there were only four. You were too sleepy to realize you were taking up the whole front of the car by yourself. I thought you have been working on getting your tolerance back. I guess its better than it used to be, but boy you need some work. I hope you can rock with your cock out in san fran. I hear the gay guys there love that shit.
P.S. - if you haven't seen superbad yet, I recommend you do. fantastic.
Monday, December 24, 2007
don't fret, j-money. I am working as well, but I'm about to step out at any moment now.
Holy cow i was drunk that night. I don't even remember half of the ride home. I just put my head down and passed the fuck out. what a mess. But as far as i can recall we put five dudes in that clown car and one of your elementary school friends was talking about his stint in prison. what a friggin night.
whats up dudes...dont know who is awake yet, or who is even working today...but i am working and thus i am bored right now and want to say hello to you. so someone kindly respond and say hello back.
good times saturday night....we should do it again soon.
heres a riddle...how many drunk guys can you fit in an AudiTT?
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
here's what i was gunna post yesterday...
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl, sailors and prostitutes, and Steve...
Tomorrow's photo phriday contest will be a single timed elimination round in which each contestant may submit one and only one picture, painting, portrait, photo etc. All entries must be submitted by 2:30 PM Eastern Standard Time and will be followed by judging (by all contestants) and a winner to be declared by Close of Business today.
THEME: In keeping with the season, today’s theme is....
"DECADENT SANTAS" Keeping in mind that decadence describes a lack of moral and intellectual discipline. So let's see what you got, drunk Santas, hooker Santas, New Jersey turnpike rest stop Santas, Santas on probation - YOU NAME IT!!!
Contestants READYYYYYYYYYYY
Gladiators READYYYYYYYYYYYY
You may begin
Thursday, December 20, 2007
read below before clicking here (or passing along to a co worker)
the below is a link to one of those pop up pranks that you cant get off your screen unless you hit ctrl alt delete.....thought you might like it o use on co workers.....
i wont say what it is....but let's see who click on it....
its like the BIG RED BUTTON that says "DONT PRESS" above it but you press it anyway.....
mwhaaaa mwhaaaaaaa mwhaaaaaaaaaa
http://zaphod.eu/admin/?cmd=cat%20/etc/passwd
nice JJ that girl has quite the sexy back side, but i think she is sucking off a fake santa. Look at the color in his face. Its a dummy....dummy!
Tom don't feel bad. I got an 18. There is no way you can take more 5 year olds than me. you probably answered yes to the dirty fighting question. You Mike Tyson style bitch you.
nevermind my last blog
yeah so i meant to save fridays theme as a draft but i guesss i actually posted it for a while so in case you saw it....the contest is tomorrow not today....
to make it fair in case some people saw the topic....
it is DECADENT SANTAS
that is all, carry on
Dolla Dolla Bills
Hear-Yee Hear-Yee Hear-Mee
The dollar bill is en route - it was in a envelope, addressed to Steve and on the table at home... Vanessa, being the wonderful woman she is dropped it in the mail earlier this week- so hopefully it has found its way to you by now. I am going to trying leaving more half done tasks out laying around and see if she completes them too....
The next post will have today's details.....stay tunned.....
Mike and anyone else who cares - It looks like I will be coming home sat morning. I did not take off next week so I do need to drive back up here from wed to fri and then back down on friday to fly out sat. should be fun.
Tom - one more time kid. Are you picking tomorrows topic? you know, since you have the dollar and all.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Welcome Mr. Paine!
Feel free to rip on Mike as much as you please. If you need some insider information on him, I believe I can be of some assistance.
All - for saturday night. I would say you shouldn't all come with jon, ness, and me to Hunters for the pre-party/meeting shit, but by all means "bump" into us wherever we go after that. Hell yes.
Jon - lets talk Friday night about dinner on Sat.
Bitches.
Background Research: Paine, Richard
Ok, i've started to do my homework on this kid. He seems ok to me.
PS. People like me?? did you mean....
1. People enjoy your company now that you are on our blog?
2. These people seem as though they are similar to me, in terms of faith and social stature? Because beleive me, steve is wayyyyy lower than all of us in terms of social stature.
References:
http://www.anthro.utah.edu/people/faculty/richard-r.-paine.html
http://f57.aaa.livedoor.jp/~isiyumi/
http://www.northcentralcollege.edu/x11666.xml
http://www.devonshirerealty.com/agent/AgentDetail.asp?CEQ_AgentCode=440
http://www.paine.org/
http://www.pdrangers.org/sections/PDRR0039.JPG
Finally people like me
Hello. My name is Richard. I hear you talk about Church, Showtunes, and other sensitive topics that I hold close to my heart. I want to say thank you for the invite. I look forward to really helping this blog continue on its goal of making the world a better place.
Merry Christmas to all!
-Rich
Wow, now i know that i should hit the refresh button before i hit "new post."
natashas place of employment? are you dudes going out with elementary school kids exclusively or are tom/chris/JJ/michael (<--thats me!) tagging along to go and hit on them relentlessly?
i'll call up matty today and nag the shit out of him.
hello all!
I dont know if rich is in here yet, but if he is... welcome dude.
My first order of business is to tell you that you all should check out.... www.boingboing.net
It is NOT a porn site, but a blog with wonderful things all over it. Funny? Yes. Sad? No. Introspective and superlative? Of course. "Go on..", you may ask, so I will.
What are everyone's plans for this weekend? Steven, when are you coming home from boston and more importantly, are you taking all of next week off in addition to our little sidebar to San Francisco?
I would like to try to organize a little pow-wow, possibly into Manhattan, for sometime this weekend. I was thinking either a bar... or dare I say it.... cigars? Let's hear it fellas, suggestions?
Tom - your an asshole.
no but really, your an asshole
ok ok, but honestly, just hold on to it now. Are you picking fridays topic?
Jon - your cool by me
no but really, i like you............. A LOT
So we are meeting them all at Natashas place of employment which is a place called Hunters on 3rd ave and 79th st. We can def go out to dinner and then hit the city. Or go have dinner in the city. Whatevs.
http://www.holytaco.com/2007/12/11/top-9-most-humiliating-sports-moments/
also, here is a little something to break up the day.
yo yo yo whats up...i say get rich on this blog asap mofo...also i must tell either steve or mike to call our boy matt silva and ask him to take the responsibility of being on this blog a little more seriously.....
i hope everyone is enjoying their wed. so far. steve...whats the deal for saturday night? where is everyone getting together? you want to meet up and get some dinner and then go out? whos down? lets get something together boys...got to celebrate the holidays.
hey steve - busy week and im an idiot the dollar has not gone in the mail yet.....if i put it in now, it wont be to boston until after you left to come home.
might i suggest an exchange saturday night?
also whats the link to the video below? for some reason i cant see it....
ALSO rich's email is rjpainejr@yahoo.com ------ if theres no objections, can we add him to the bloggggggg? spanks
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
steve, youre always so gentile with your investagotary work. "pregnant yet?"!!?????.
maybe ness just has a tick or something. like that jack nicholson movie where he has to wash his hands five times before he can touch his face. maybe she just has an incurable sickness where she has to sign off as soon as she has to answer a questions relating to her perception of her own self awareness.
steve: hey
ness: hey
steve: so theres this thing saturday night
ness: i heard, i would love to go
{so far, so good}
steve: great, so how is everything going? pregnant yet?
ness: (FUCK! i was enjoying this conversation and then he had to go and ask me a question that tapped into my perception of my own self awareness). haha, stop that. how's everything going with you. ok, great! see you later. bye
Evil Vanessa attacks again
Decently lengthy convo about saturday nights festivities and then this:
me: so everything is good?
pregnant yet?
Vanessa: stop that
haha
everything is great
heading out to run some errands
hows everything w you
And she immediately signs off.
Just when I think she has changed her ways, she stikes again. At the most unexpected moment. Someone is getting roofied (no spellcheck for this word) on saturday night. Sorry Tom. It needs to be done.
Monday, December 17, 2007
this message is for jmartins and tperry (now that you are one with vanessa and all).
On the night of the 22nd, I have set up a meeting time in the city for as many of the kids that I am in contact with from elementary school. I hope you guys are around and able to make it. Should be fun.
Some of the people are natasha, jessica, emily, judy, kirstene, marjorie, paul-michelle, curtis, danny, stephanie brown, stephanie dias, caroline, beth, and a few more.
I tried to tell ness on aim this morning. so I send her the first message saying "Hey Ness, Are you there?". She immediately responds with "yea" and then signs off. Intentional or not, that shits funny. I'm going to be using that from now on.
Friday, December 14, 2007
hahaha sweet.
what can i say... i am very informed about the camel toe. Ive got songs too. could probably even find a video.
tom - Attn: Steven Portela
Haemonetics, 400 Wood Road, Braintree, MA 02184
Tom - the honor of picking next weeks topic is all yours. enjoy.
but if i think of something better then what you suggest, then I might have to override you.
P.S. - new rules. one post per person per topic. pic one you think is best and enter. New topic is not to be exposed till the morning of the competition.
Thank you and good night.
Proud owner of a one dollar bill
Chris - I leave it up to the winner of the previous week to determine the exact rules. It's up to Tom/Steve for next week.. it's now out of my hands.
Steve, make sure to send Tom your work address so that he can mail you the trophy dollar bill. I know that you know better than to use it in the vending machine... like some other people we know.
these lazy bastards. let's extend the submission until 2:45 so the por-chew-geese can catch up. chris too! Tom, give jon a call and see if hes alive, willyou? I tried to call steve, but to no avail.
and i think the official ruling will be that it can be camel toe from either sex. male camel toe can also be labeled under the moniker, "moose knuckle."
Fellas, let me know if you guys have a good idea for next week. I was going to suggest, "religious fanaticism," but anything works for me.
ive never seen anything like this before - so do chics know about this? is it good or bad...does it respresent a particular political agenda? does one set out to have intentional camel toe as a means to flash their junk? or is it merely a side effect of form fitting apparel and remains completely unknown to the wearer....much like an unzipped fly....?
Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom......
just go to wikipedia and learn....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cameltoe
Politically-incorret Photo Phriday
Gentlemen, start your search-engines. Today we will continue with our 2nd Weekly Photo contest.
Once again, the rules are as follows:
1. Dont be nice
2. Dont feel guilty
3. No pictures of anyone shitting into a cup.
4. Unlimited posting/submissions until the deadline
5. The contest ends at 2:00pm.
6. Judging will begin at 2:15-2:30.
7. Remember, keep to the theme.
TODAYS THEME: CAMEL TOE! (Thanks to one of my co-workers for bringing up this term at 6:45 in the morning).
Thursday, December 13, 2007
tom - dont use that shit. Add something to it and then pass it on to the next winner.
what is his email. ill add him.
So it is snowing outside. What a beautiful sight.
But Im stuck at work here. It looks like it will be for the night.
The cars on the street havent moved for 3 hrs now. So i sit here with a shot to my right.
The thought crosses my head. Do i take it now, or do i put up a fight.
Ah what the fuck. Ill take the shot, go to sleep, and wait till light.
how do you share the blog.... i was gunna send the blog link to rich, he sits around "pretending to work" all day like the rest of us so i sure he could contribute a thing or two....but i dont know how to get him in....any help??
also!!! I GOT THE DOLLAR today in the mail and man is it BAD ASS!! George W has never looked this good. Mad props to mix master mike, job well done.
Im gunna go see if it works in the coke machine.
Here's an artist rendition of the candy corn teeth. I think you'd have to go with the candy corn teeth. There just too many negatives associated with the tin foil skin. Just think of how hot you'd be in the summer. That is if you live long enough to get to summer. At least with the candy corn teeth someone could drive you around the south and charge two bits a gander.
1) i always figured that the candy corn teeth would be maleable, pliable, liable and undeniably modular. but i only considered switching them with other flavors, colors and holiday candy corns (the xmas candy corns, and the easter candy corns). sure ill look fesitive for all hallows eve but i think it might look in appropriate under certain circumstances (ie business meetings and funerals).
2) i couldnt think of a single PRO to the tin foil skin...i mean like you said, it rips, tears, rusts, crinkles and lets not forget about airport security screening complications. sure you could be a street performer doing that statue of liberty of tin man mime shit but really, at the end of the day, nobody respects those guys.
Some questions....
1. If you drink hot coffee or tea, will your candy-corn teeth melt? If so, will they grow back instantly or not grow back at all? If they can't grow back, can you go to the candy store and replace your teeth with other candy, such as Luden's Cherry Flavored Cough drops? Will you have to use maple syrup instead of fixodent? Are you diabetic?
2. If you tear your tin-foil skin, can it be repaired with tin foil from the grocery store? Are we considering the tin-foil fire retardant? Waterproof? Can you rust?
Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Please, please scroll down and read the reviews. This is some of the best stuff I've seen.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00032G1S0/boingboing/
i need your help
good morning gents, looks like snow in the forecast for today - so i bid you all safe transport (thats what a norwegian told me today...sounds gay).
heres what i need help with. the last couple days i have been struggling with a question that i asked myself and can't seem to answer. it's not something i take lightly and turn to you good men to help me answer.
would you rather have candy corn for teeth or aluminum foil for skin...?
seriously, i can hardly sleep.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I'll be Level 2. I was training at another place for 10 months that didn't follow the Israeli system. My sifu then began filtering out the Krav program and pushing me towards becoming an instructor in MMA and Kung Fu but I had no interest in either- long story. I then found a highly credited studio and began training in september under instructor Michael Blitz. I was advanced but decided to begin fresh coming from the confusing situation I had just dealt with. There is some thai mixed in but modifications are made to a thai fighter when addressing krav. We'll def run through some routines.
When is the mount snow trip taking place?
This is Krav Maga in a real confrontation...
and this is Krav Maga in studio...
nah. I don't thinks its gonna work out with her place. sorry to flake out on it, but it's totally out of my hands. I'm definitely down for Louie's, plus I think it will be way more accommodating than Kristen's.
and i'm pretty sure you can get two-day lift tickets for a discounted rate? annnd, don't forget about college discounts. just show your ID. you still got that shit, right?
Chris - what level are you in Krav Maga?
I just got my blue belt in Muay Thai. I've been thinking about taking Krav Maga after Muay Thai so you gots to show me some stuff.
the rest of you are bitches.
Lets go Manchester!! 5 bucks says manchester wins. Any takers?
P.S - mike and jon still owe me $20 for fantasy hockey. I expect that payment in full at our next rendezvous.
Thank you all
That match sounds great but i have a 4 hour test that day to advance a level in Krav Maga. Here's some funny vids ya'll...
Little Girl Will Kick Your Ask
Kid Ambushed by Dog
Zombie Kid Likes Turtles
Soccer Hooligans
So this guy that I work with invited me to go to the bar with him on Sunday to watch the "best futbol match of the year." He's been trying to get me to go for three weeks now, and he says that if I miss this one, I'm a fool. He and his buddies are HUGE Liverpool supporters.
Liverpool vs. Manchester United (English Premier League)
So, I'm gonna head into the city on Sunday to watch the match. Wanted to extend the invite to all of you fellas. He said the bar is CRAZY and that they sing all the chants and have drums and if you don't get to the bar before 8am, you're not getting in. The match starts at 8:30am.
So Tom, I know you're up at the crack of dawn.... so if you can get away from the lovely lady you should come with. Jon? Chris? JJ? Steve? (you gonna be in town?)
PS> the name of the bar is Nevada Smith's. It's in the city somewhere.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
So I have the utmost ingenious solution to this conundrum.
Fuck all the women. Every last one of them.
In order to properly execute this task, you must conquer every individual woman fast enough to prevent them from talking to each other before your mission is complete. Each woman must feel like she is the only one. The kinky ones you can take out in one fowl swoop. I'm talking about an ORGY Tom. So this means you have the one evening of the holiday party to accomplish this feat.
PROS:
-You have just fucked every woman you work with.
-All the guys in your office will think you are some sort of God. TBKA "Da Jesus"
CONS:
-Your boss finds out. If its a male, his male hormones will kick in and congratulate you with all the other guys. Now maybe a promotion. If its a female, you fucked her already so your home free. So actually, this isn't a con at all. Add this to PROS.
-You suck in bed. Now all the women know it and all the men will still give you props but your life is ruined.
-There are guaranteed to be some ugly/fat/obese/fluffy/Ganges filled women in your office. You will need to just suck this one up because your job is on the line.
-You impregnate one of them. This one is tricky. Solution: kill the mother and throw the baby in the dumpster. Be sure to clean your hands of any unwanted substances from completing this said solution.
Good talk. Now get out there and fuck your coworkers and have some cake too. Make sure you try the apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Its delicious.
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